Workplace relationships, always a bad idea
When I started my job at an American Italian restaurant back in 2018, I knew to steer clear of a workplace drama, relationships, and other things that seem to follow in the exciting life of working at a restaurant. My interview was on Labor Day and the manager was running late. In my past interviews when the manager runs late or reschedules it usually means I get the job. I was relieved since I was literally moving into my new place and took a break from unpacking to head to my interview. Needless to say I got the job, and eased myself into my new job and leaving my other restaurant job and co-workers behind a few towns over. My new life had just begun.
Fast forward to today, we made it through the pandemic with only doing to-go orders for the first 6 months or so it seemed, and after Christmas of last year we were allowed to be open for full dining. Our staff is extremely small, eleven total with four in the kitchen and seven of us working the front, one being the owner and her husband works in the back. We don’t have bussers, hosts, or food runners and the phone constantly rings for to-go orders. We all work extremely hard and usually there are one or two of us on the floor. Thankfully I have 20 years of restaurant experience.
For the workplace romance that I didn’t expect to happen or even seek out, was quite an interesting one. I have been online dating since moving to my apartment in 2018 after my last relationship of six years ended. I have had a few boyfriends but that lasts only a few months. I have a seven year old daughter with me most of the time and I work seven days a week. I squeeze in dates when I can, and it’s always interesting who is my latest fling for the month. My workplace romance full filled my loneliness when the guys I went on dates with were just not what I wanted or needed.
It all started in April 2021 when my daughter and I came back from Miami. He asked for my Facebook and I gave it to him and thought nothing of it. He is originally from Mexico (as the rest of the guys in the back)and speaks decent English but lives a life of mystery. I was lonely and intrigued and figured why not? Since I had nothing better going on in my life. We kept our situation a secret and nobody knew for months. It became an addiction as I was used to his attention through Facebook Messenger (he doesn’t have a phone) and we saw each other three days a week at work and whenever he would come over during the week. We became close and understood each other despite our cultural and language differences. He didn’t like it when I would start dating someone and gave me more attention. I asked him why he didn’t want to be my boyfriend, and he replied “I do, but not so fast”.
Sometime in August he made me cry one night at work, with a Tecate in my hand, tears streaming down my face with homeless people walking by. I hadn’t cried like that for a very long time and I didn’t know what triggered that reaction. He wiped my tears and replied “I will always be here for you no matter what, I don’t want to lose you or hurt you” The emotional attachment that he had caused was messing me up I couldn’t take it anymore.
One night in September I was hanging out with a coworker at my day job having a few drinks after work and he was coming over that night after work. I had told him he needs to let me know when he’s going to be there since I was 30 minutes or so away. I make it home at 9:30 and he had been waiting for me for 45 minutes in his car. I told him I have a life and I need to know when he is heading over. I started crying again and he told me he couldn’t give me what I needed and wants to set me up with his friend. I was a little annoyed and hurt but I knew our relationship wouldn’t be anything more that it was. He dislikes living in the United States and is here for all the obvious reasons people come here. He wants to be under the radar as much as possible. I get it, so do most people. It’s obvious there is no future with us.
I end up meeting up with is friend, who is attractive, kind and more put together than the workplace lover. He is from Guatemala and he struggles with his English, needless to say my Spanish has improved greatly since working at the restaurant, and dating Latin/Mexican men. We mostly had to use a translator while hanging out, but it was fun. We lasted two months and we just met for dinner last Thursday after not seeing each other for a month. I’m not quite sure what he wanted from me, he wouldn’t say. We haven’t really talked since. I know the two of them talk but won’t admit it to me. I have since decided to move on from the both of them.
I was trying to find another restaurant job but I only work weekends and most employers want more than that. I expressed my situation to the male owner and I know he didn’t want me to leave, so last week the workplace lover came over and we talked. He moved back in with his wife and it’s a toxic relationship but he loves his son, whom is seven and wants to do what is right.
I really like my restaurant job and coworkers and make great money, I am extremely lucky. I have never lasted this long at a restaurant in my twenty years in this industry. So tonight is Super Bowl Sunday and I will most likely be working the front by myself since it will be slow. I will hear the guys in the back chatting away in Spanish with the Mexican music playing in the background with the sounds of beers opening up. Just another restaurant night in my big small town.
The wave of emotions I experienced with dating, or not really dating since we never went on dates was the most intense I have ever felt. Sometimes people can care for each other deeply without knowing reasons why. Maybe the universe put us together for a reason to teach us something? I know I deserve better than him and my history with men hasn’t been great. I will never know if his feelings or words for me were ever true, but some of it felt like it was. I know he will continue to reach out to me and offer me beer and my favorite tequila, but I can’t continue an intimate or emotional relationship with him anymore. It’s coming up on a year since this all started, and I can’t believe that it happened. I need to move on with my life and career. I start school in two weeks for my Bachelors in Interior Design. I have two more years until school is finished and break away from the restaurant life. It’s going to be a long two years. No more work relationships for me.
Thanks for reading!
